Toddler is the New 20....

I'm not one for clowning folks who enjoy crunk music, A.K.A. that ignorant $hit. The sole purpose of listening to Gucci Mane and Plies is to be chopped and screwed. Yes play that shit while driving down I-95 while some a$$hole cuts you off. No, playing that ish at a baby shower while doling out cake and crumpets.

It's music reserved for those intimate moments with you and your Ole E.


If you haven't noticed, this genre of music also comes with novice dances that are here today gone tomorrow.

The original ignorant $hit that I can recall had to have been Crime Mob's "Knunck If You Buck". I'm gonna assume, only because my a$$ has an education past 5th grade that the song translates into, if you a bold bitch beat a bitch down.

For instance, in 2006, we had Huey's "Pop Lock and Drop It", what I've dubbed the "Cock Block and Drop It". The ultimate pu$$y poppin joint.

Three years follow and we have Hurricane Chris' "Halle Berry". The dance eludes to a knock off stroll the AKA's can claim as there own. That powdering my nose garbage. Okay we get it, we know you're pretty, weave and all.

Last but certainly not least, we got the "Stanky Leg".

Now, I mentioned at the beginning of this post that I don't mind the music. I'm peeved with the movements that justify the cause of the song even seeing the light of day.

It's the dances that are made up of utter nonsense that even an epileptic looks like he or she was the sole inspiration behind that Boom-kat-a-Boom-Boom-kat bull$hit.

Some may ask, "Miss X, why can't you just let crunk be great???"

Fuck that... I'm just concerned that this 3 minute episode of vertigo shall not pass and the masses will start calling this game proper.

When I see videos of toddlers, scratch that, babies, still $hitting in their diapers, can't even get through the first round of ABC jeopardy, whining and poppin their pre-pubescent genitals, I'm just a tad bit uneasy.

SMH!!!!

Miracle on 71st St.

It's about to be one of those depressing blogs, so if you can't stand a sad Miss X, please refer to my other posts of tomfoolery.

Usually around my birthday, I'm either anxious or upset about some one who's disappointed me.

I share feelings of disappointment faster than feelings of anger.

Seldom do I look towards others for advice or guidance. I truly am a free spirit and believe all things happen when they happen for a reason.

I'm typically the friend that can be leaned on for assistance or the person who's designated to just sit and listen or just sit and say nothing. My presence, can sometimes be just as comforting.

So, when the time comes when I need to vent, all I hear are crickets and silence.

Part of me believes that I do this to myself by letting so few in. But I wonder if I was created and shaped this way for a bigger purpose.

Either way, I'm amused when the mutes, as I've dubbed them, make it be known that their in a jam and need your assistance, and need it asap.

And of course, because I'm always nurturing to those who are in my circle, I end up putting aside my $hit to go play in their f-cked up sandbox mess that they themselves have created.

It's even more amusing when those same exact people, who at this point are the scum of the earth in my opinion, kiss your a$$ just to ask for a favor.

F-CK YOU AND YOUR FAVORS.

You can quote that if you like.

I'm disgusted with peoples behavior sometimes.

I'm not up on a soapbox saying I'm perfect, but damn in comparison to most, I'd say I'm pretty close.

You can also quote that.

Days like this remind me exactly why I keep to myself.

My olive branches don't grow anymore.

So, f-ck you, and you, and oh yeah, yup you to.

The Best 24th birthday that anyone could ever ask for.

Slaves???What Slaves????

Okay,

I'm sitting here minding my own business "working", listening to my Ipod.

Chester French's mixtape is playing and their, "Ciroc Star" feat Diddy and Jadakiss comes on.

**Insert Side Eye with a dash of conjunctivitis**

Chester French is bomb. Their mixtape is genius and their album is on some next level 'ish.

I partly sweat them bc they were breed in the heart of beantown.

"Beantown We Go Hard...."

Anywho,

I'm slightly appalled by two things that caught me off guard.

#1

Diddy needs to just stick to his clothing line. That nicca can't rap, and even when he wrote his best mediocre lines that was in the the real Bad Boy Music era.

Lawd only knows you ain't no certified gangsta.

#2

If you do one more shameless plug for your L, Ciroc, I'm gonna have to murk you.

Look kiddies, I used the word of the week in a sentence.

So, after having to subject my ears to such nonsense, I got myself thinking about Diddy and why I have a deep seated hatred for that nicca.

Yeah I said it. I'm not a fan.

***Disclaimer***

For all those who may be one iota offended about what I'm about to drop on this Fecal matter named Diddy, stop while your ahead and check out some other post of mine.

Dear Diddy,

First I would like to start by saying I hate you.
Let's not confuse it with love. I know you methodically thought to yourself that this heffa is hating cause she ain't making guap like I am. You're right a$$hole. That's the reason I do hate you. Because you are making money. Making money off the slave trade you own, named Bad Boy.

Jesus spoke to me last night after Judas tried to trade me his gold coins for my SAAB and said there's a special place in hell for you right next to Bernard Madoff and his money grubbing ways.

You're what I call a Jack of All Trades, but a master of none.

You rape and pillage young aspiring models turned whores for your benefit.

You conquer, defeat and divide groups so they hate themselves.

You manage to mock the Black community more than VH1 has in the past three years.

Well Diddy, looks like you're the first Black owner of slaves post 18th century.

You deserve a cookie, better yet a cookie laced with rat poison.

Sincerely,

Your Biggest Fan

Murked???

Urban Dictionary, a reliable source, defines "murked" as the following.

"Someone who was killed in a vicious manner.

Man that guy that lived around the corner from me got murked last night buy some dude with a sledge hammer, his head cracked open."

So what makes me want to murk someone????

Just about anything that pisses me off!!!!

Lest, I remind you that I enjoy foolishness... but at other peoples expense.

Chewing out loud.

I swear at times my hearing is frequenced so finely, that I can hear an ant crossing the street.

If I can hear that far, I can definitely hear you chomping at that apple that is damn near finished and you think there still some to chew.

Taking phone calls during me-and-you time.

One may think, aww Miss X gets no love, her boos making and taking calls during me- and-you time.

On the contrary. I'm referring to friends who think that 'ish is kosher to ask me, being the optimal word, out to chill but wind up having a convo via cellular texting.

I'm no Diddy, and neither are you, and I'm pretty sure your a$$ ain't got a business to take of and a career to ruin.

If you're in my "fave five", you live a low key life as I do.

Label Whoring

I realize that we still have the bourgeois mentality.

The haves and have nots.

But, I'm a fake a$$ Birkin bag carrying citizen.

While you enjoy the finer things in life and like to brag about what and who you are wearing, I'm creating game plans on how to run a successful business with little to no means and make my first million, come 25.

Don't get me wrong. I have a Bulova watch, Frye boots and Gucci bags that are vintage circa 1975, but I'm never gonna sit in a conversation about Stalin and drop names like I'm still on Line repeating the founding Ladies of AKA!!!

Murking is a lifestyle, not a trend.

F is for Foolish

SMH!!!

SMDH!!!!

I'll let the video do the talking....

Call It A Comeback

Yesterday I arrived home.

Greeted my mother & checked the mail.

Sorted through the junk and saw something suspect addressed to her.

I read the letter that reads similar to this (not the exact letter, but damn close):

DEAR MADAM,

CONFIDENTIAL BUSINESS PROPOSAL

HAVING CONSULTED WITH MY COLLEAGUES AND BASED ON THE INFORMATION GATHERED FROM THE NIGERIAN CHAMBERS OF COMMERCE AND INDUSTRY, I HAVE THE PRIVILEGE TO REQUEST FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE TO TRANSFER THE SUM OF $47,500,000.00 (FORTY SEVEN MILLION, FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS) INTO YOUR ACCOUNTS. THE ABOVE SUM RESULTED FROM AN OVER-INVOICED CONTRACT, EXECUTED COMMISSIONED AND PAID FOR ABOUT FIVE YEARS (5) AGO BY A FOREIGN CONTRACTOR. THIS ACTION WAS HOWEVER INTENTIONAL AND SINCE THEN THE FUND HAS BEEN IN A SUSPENSE ACCOUNT AT THE CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA APEX BANK.

WE ARE NOW READY TO TRANSFER THE FUND OVERSEAS AND THAT IS WHERE YOU COME IN. IT IS IMPORTANT TO INFORM YOU THAT AS CIVIL SERVANTS, WE ARE FORBIDDEN TO OPERATE A FOREIGN ACCOUNT; THAT IS WHY WE REQUIRE YOUR ASSISTANCE. THE TOTAL SUM WILL BE SHARED AS FOLLOWS: 70% FOR US, 25% FOR YOU AND 5% FOR LOCAL AND INTERNATIONAL EXPENSES INCIDENT TO THE TRANSFER.

THE TRANSFER IS RISK FREE ON BOTH SIDES. I AM AN ACCOUNTANT WITH THE NIGERIAN NATIONAL PETROLEUM CORPORATION (NNPC). IF YOU FIND THIS PROPOSAL ACCEPTABLE, WE SHALL REQUIRE THE FOLLOWING DOCUMENTS:

(A) YOUR BANKER'S NAME, TELEPHONE, ACCOUNT AND FAX NUMBERS.

(B) YOUR PRIVATE TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBERS -- FOR CONFIDENTIALITY AND EASY COMMUNICATION.

(C) YOUR LETTER-HEADED PAPER STAMPED AND SIGNED.

ALTERNATIVELY WE WILL FURNISH YOU WITH THE TEXT OF WHAT TO TYPE INTO YOUR LETTER-HEADED PAPER, ALONG WITH A BREAKDOWN EXPLAINING, COMPREHENSIVELY WHAT WE REQUIRE OF YOU. THE BUSINESS WILL TAKE US THIRTY (30) WORKING DAYS TO ACCOMPLISH.

PLEASE REPLY URGENTLY.

BEST REGARDS

All I could do at this point was laugh to myself, because not only did the envelope contain such a bogus letter, it had a check included that was pure comedy.

Even if someone in my family was stupid enough to fall for this nonsense, the bank or Western Union would laugh his or her a$$ right out of the place.

I'm usually annoyed when they email this nonsense and it goes straight to junk mail, but when your home address is sold off to the biggest bidder, that $hit becomes infuriating.

WTF, I mean what if my mother or father were not the brightest bulb in the bunch, or even worse if they were sooo elderly they thought this ish was for real.

I feel an ill invasion of privacy.

Not even my closest friends know my exact home address, that shows you the amount of privacy I like.

I almost hit the ceiling when I saw that $hit.

These Nigerian scams, 411 scams, Russian scams, have to seize. This 'ish is just ridiculous.