Friday, October 30, 2009

Toddler is the New 20....

I'm not one for clowning folks who enjoy crunk music, A.K.A. that ignorant $hit. The sole purpose of listening to Gucci Mane and Plies is to be chopped and screwed. Yes play that shit while driving down I-95 while some a$$hole cuts you off. No, playing that ish at a baby shower while doling out cake and crumpets.

It's music reserved for those intimate moments with you and your Ole E.

If you haven't noticed, this genre of music also comes with novice dances that are here today gone tomorrow.

The original ignorant $hit that I can recall had to have been Crime Mob's "Knunck If You Buck". I'm gonna assume, only because my a$$ has an education past 5th grade that the song translates into, if you a bold bitch beat a bitch down.

For instance, in 2006, we had Huey's "Pop Lock and Drop It", what I've dubbed the "Cock Block and Drop It". The ultimate pu$$y poppin joint.

Three years follow and we have Hurricane Chris' "Halle Berry". The dance eludes to a knock off stroll the AKA's can claim as there own. That powdering my nose garbage. Okay we get it, we know you're pretty, weave and all.

Last but certainly not least, we got the "Stanky Leg".

Now, I mentioned at the beginning of this post that I don't mind the music. I'm peeved with the movements that justify the cause of the song even seeing the light of day.

It's the dances that are made up of utter nonsense that even an epileptic looks like he or she was the sole inspiration behind that Boom-kat-a-Boom-Boom-kat bull$hit.

Some may ask, "Miss X, why can't you just let crunk be great???"

Fuck that... I'm just concerned that this 3 minute episode of vertigo shall not pass and the masses will start calling this game proper.

When I see videos of toddlers, scratch that, babies, still $hitting in their diapers, can't even get through the first round of ABC jeopardy, whining and poppin their pre-pubescent genitals, I'm just a tad bit uneasy.