It's the place I secretly go to stalk my enemies, hate on folks from a far, and go shopping for a new wardrobe.
Yeah, it's for us posers at heart. SMH.
But of recent, I noticed a few "trends", trends being the operative word.
If engagement were a popular haircut like the Aniston or the Rihanna, it would seem as if everyone jumped ship and done gone all committal on a gurl.
2009 has shown to be an influx of people jumping the broom and wifing these hoes or putting a ring on "it", and showing that we are officially committed to each other.
It's as if, engagement has become the we're going steady now.
It's comical if you ask me. I have never been more grossed out by the idea of people as young as 21 getting engaged or enjoying the long walk of shame down the aisle
One may speculate that I haven't been wifed up or claimed as wifey material, that would explain the bitter taste that's in this post.
I'll tell you what, that's not far from the truth. I don't consider myself wifey material...because I don't want to be wifey material.
I'm combative, non-committal, abrasive, selfish, too adventuresome, and won't cooperate for the life of me. And I don't compromise for anything or anyone.
My opinion might scare you off, but let me offer you some history...
I come from a dual parent household. Both of my siblings and myself were conceived in wedlock.
My parents are shy of their 30th anniversary.
The desire to be "united" doesn't exist nor has it ever.
Marriage is not and never will be what it was. That can be seen as either a positive attribute or a negative one. Depends on who's looking. And realistically, what would be the point if the odds were stacked up against you.
I don't want to spit statistics but, lets get real....
Under 20 years old, women are 27.6% likely to get divorced, men are 11.7% 20 to 24 years old, women are 36.6% likely to get divorced, men are 36.8% 25 to 29 years old, women are 16.4% likely to get divorced, men are 22.3% 30 to 34 years old, women are 8.5% likely to get divorced, men are 11.6% 35 to 39 years old, women are 5.1% likely to get divorced, men are 6.5% via-http://www.divorcerate.org/
If the odds are stacked up against you, why would take the plunge or the chance to potential ruin yourself or whatever means you have complied when you first meet.
I think people have forgotten that divorce is no longer taboo and that because people are much more fickle and impulsive that the permanent things that you have today, ain't so permanent tomorrow.
The time spent on planning the wedding is of much more importance than of planning the marriage.
We rely on the fact that love will save our marriage. Love is the least important in my opinion.
Why are their couples that spend close to 20 grand on a wedding, have college loans to pay down, obsecene credit card debit, and whatever else you've as chossen a lesser priortie to pay for?
Why are their couples who think it's kosher to continue to rent instead of investing in property, like a house?
Why are their couples, who for some strange reason, think it's okay to go without drafting a will once a wedding has taken place?
Look at marriage as a matching fund that you continue to put 100 dollars of your hard earned paycheck in, for some strange reason, the company( your spouse) can't seem to match the funds and then your spending more money than you earned.
What kind of fuckery is that????
Why take the risk? Love can't bring back your cash investment can it?
I'm not one for clowning folks who enjoy crunk music, A.K.A. that ignorant $hit. The sole purpose of listening to Gucci Mane and Plies is to be chopped and screwed. Yes play that shit while driving down I-95 while some a$$hole cuts you off. No, playing that ish at a baby shower while doling out cake and crumpets.
It's music reserved for those intimate moments with you and your Ole E.
If you haven't noticed, this genre of music also comes with novice dances that are here today gone tomorrow.
The original ignorant $hit that I can recall had to have been Crime Mob's "Knunck If You Buck". I'm gonna assume, only because my a$$ has an education past 5th grade that the song translates into, if you a bold bitch beat a bitch down.
For instance, in 2006, we had Huey's "Pop Lock and Drop It", what I've dubbed the "Cock Block and Drop It". The ultimate pu$$y poppin joint.
Three years follow and we have Hurricane Chris' "Halle Berry". The dance eludes to a knock off stroll the AKA's can claim as there own. That powdering my nose garbage. Okay we get it, we know you're pretty, weave and all.
Last but certainly not least, we got the "Stanky Leg".
Now, I mentioned at the beginning of this post that I don't mind the music. I'm peeved with the movements that justify the cause of the song even seeing the light of day.
It's the dances that are made up of utter nonsense that even an epileptic looks like he or she was the sole inspiration behind that Boom-kat-a-Boom-Boom-kat bull$hit.
Some may ask, "Miss X, why can't you just let crunk be great???"
Fuck that... I'm just concerned that this 3 minute episode of vertigo shall not pass and the masses will start calling this game proper.
When I see videos of toddlers, scratch that, babies, still $hitting in their diapers, can't even get through the first round of ABC jeopardy, whining and poppin their pre-pubescent genitals, I'm just a tad bit uneasy.
The last several weeks have only consisted of getting home, watching reruns, having dinner, going to sleep.
Nothing to eventful until now.
It takes me a while to grasp onto a new show. I'm the audience member that focus group handlers revere because I won't give a show a second go unless their focal points are sex, alcohol, and tomfoolery.
You would almost think I was born with a penis.
No penis, just straight vajay jay.
Anywho, last night I turned to FOX to watch the new show "More to Love".
**side eyed intensified**
All I can say, if the purpose of the show was to show big people can find true love regardless of their size, producers sadly missed their mark.
This show almost made "thickums" a joke.
What I saw was some overweight/obese, whiny, insecure women biding for the man of their dreams.
It was essentially the bachelor on cheesecake.
No joke. I swear I shed a tear for the embarrassment some of these women probably feel after watching this show air.
I'm curious to know what executive at FOX said, "I got an idea..."
"Fat women fighting for a semi-attractive man will revolutionize reality t.v."
Oh television, when will you learn. This $hit ain't gonna fly.
Not even a woman who's overweight, an average size 14, would want to watch this show.
The humor came when the cattiness began.
"OMG, I can't believe she jumped in the pool. I can't stand women who try to go the extra mile to get attention."
NEWSFLASH honey, you're on t.v. looking for true love. How extra could that be????
I'm just waiting for anti-discriminating leagues of obese chicks to send a letter of some disagreement of the stereotypical images brought to by your favorite network of racism.
I'd say FOX gets an A for effort but gets an F for execution.
Some days I feel like writing others I just don't want to jot down ish that has annoyed me.
I don't think I've been that pissed off in while to post anything worth writing.
But today calls for one of those long posts that'll just end up being a PSA of some type.
Yeah she cut off her "hair", I put hair in quotations bc nowadays that's a bit questionable. How long was hair to begin with???
What celebrity have you seen rocking their natural hair????
Even kim kardashian laces that ish up, and she's Armenian!!! That tells you this is is global!!! LOL!
I can't count one, can you???
Some peoples claim to fame is just what they can do with their do. A$$IE What crazy design they can shave into their scalp. LA LA What punk rock Mohawk they can rock with their ill fitting clothes. Rihanna
OKAY, we get it.
I however, as of late, cut my lush locs short and their was much reason behind the end result.
To each is their own. Ya kno, and to each person they have their own reasons for a hairdo. Whether it's because it's the newest fad or because it's time to restart again.
We all have our own selfish reasons for styling ourselves which ever way that we do.
But the reason for the mid week break, seeing that I post like every other week is in regards to ignorance begetting ignorance.
Today would be the second time in 2009 when the blogsphere have missed the mark. (The first was with the Rihanna incident. See my other post for that one.)
Matter of fact, not the blogs but the comments that have been given.
It cuts real deep when women of African descent refer to Solange's new do as a field nigger effect.
Comments that insult natural beauty outside of weaves, fronts, and wigs.
This comes from a one time relaxer, twice a natural sister, neva rocking a weave working woman type gal, if you get my drift.
I have and will continue to pose the notion that African American women will always be a slave to their hair.
Will neva let their hair breathe without chemically altering it. Or find themselves looking in the mirror to look at the natural beauty without the lush extention they bought at Hair Stop on Washington St.
I'm assuming that most women who do weave up the hair is because their natural hair is to short to be considered beautiful, in their eyes as well as others.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but the excuse you have for my previous statement is probably that, nah, my hair is long enough, it's just that I like to add a bit of thickness to my already "long" straggly hair.
Okay, now that we've established that your in denial, lets move on to the next excuse you conjured up.
It's easier to manage and it's more office appropriate.
Okay, much like the movie Bolier Room, I got a load of rebuttals for the wack a$$ excuses that you can give me.
I did not say you must come to work rocking a fro and an afro pick with tribal paint slathered on your face.
It does not make you look uncivilized or non-American. And as much as you like to continue to lie to your self, trust me your co-workers and human resource could care less. Those heffas are trying to keep their job and you're certainly not on their radar.
Well Miss X, you seem to have all the answers, we can't be as brave as you and machete our hair off.
Okay I didn't ask you to!!! All I want to get through that thick weave cap, is that YOU don't have the right or privileg to comment/ critique on a woman following the route less traveled.
I applaud anybody who goes a drift simply bc they've had enough with what society says we should be.
Don't you see it folks.
We're a country of money hungry consumers and where pumped with we aren't beautiful enough without long straight hair.
While we're chasing straight hair other countries chase curly texturized hair.
Nobody is perfect and we all have our own perception of perfection.
Just 'cause you're drinking the koolaid don't hate because I'm drink running water from a well.
You know I enjoy fuckery just like the next person...
While enjoying the 25th hour at work, I walked outside and was scarred for life by the crime scene I bared witness to....
A woman suffering from camel toe of the a$$.
First question; is that even possible to have camel toe in between those flapper jack a$$ cheeks?
Second question; how the hell did she not notice it or feel a rubbing sensation?
I mean damn, I constantly pick my wedgies no matter where the hell I am.
If it's not obvious by now, I have no shame.
I refuse to walk around acting like I'm not bothered by cloth lodged up my a$$.
While enjoying a evening at the theater, my friend asked a question,
"What's the dress code here?"
Clearly by this comment, you can assume that I'm going to hawk up plenty of jokes in regards to theater attire.
I swear on somebody elses dead grave that, not once, not twice, but several times I saw club wear at the theater, mind you the show was The Color Purple.
Club wear??? Really, really, that's all you could manage? You couldn't come out pocket to pay for spandex slacks from your favorite retailer, Rainbows. I could have sworn I saw the sign buy one get one free.
I'm not sure if these chicks were trying to find a husband or a STD, but either way that 'ish was just rude.
Men thinking it's okay to invite you somewhere via text, sms, bbm, or IM...
Do you honestly think we can take you seriously that way?
I'm learning to sit with my feelings and tolerate what the season has to offer.
I've just finished week two with Laura, Alex, Sophie, Amy & Jake, and Gina.
For those who may not be familiar with the show.
In Treatment is about Paul, a psychotherapist who has come to a braking point in regards to his practice and his marriage.
Paul, has to juggle the impossible task of maintaining ethically boundaries with his patients, tolerating his family matters and his own therapy. You didn't know, all therapist have therapist!!! And the cycle continues.LOL!!!
When the season begins, it's obvious that his patient load consist of black and white thinkers who either hate him or love him.
In Laura's case, she loves him. Literally. Come week 2, she admits to wanting him to f-ck her!!! Talk about "You get what you pay for!!!"
Alex is a veteran fighter pilot who keeps Paul on his toes every week. He type-A personality with a touch of sass.
The man declares Paul as his own personal, Adolf Hitler to all his important decision making.
He always has a dilemma and expects Paul to give him resolve.
Alex decides that he should end a marriage of 15 years because his wife grinds her teeth whlist alseep.
**insert side eye**
Sophie is a teenage gymnast who's injured both arms either due to her "accidental" clumsiness or as an escape from the pressure she feels from adults in her life.
She's a wise-cracking patient. But out of sheer observation, I believe her to be one of Paul's favorites.
He actually feels like he's helping this young precocious girl.
Lastly, his couple Jake & Amy. Once again he's put in the position of being the ultimate decision maker for whether they should or shouldn't.
Jake & Amy are on the brink of a possible divorce, whether they notice it or not. Their debacle centers around Amy's current pregnancy. Abort or not to abort, is the question. Jake wants another child, Amy does not.
After all this Paul is now allowed to unload his baggage on Gina, the supervisor who supervised his practice 9 years ago.
All in all, the show isn't really all that entertaining.
There's a mystique about it and I believe that to be the appeal to the vast majority of folks who stay tuned.
I would say this show can not be watched in one days sitting. You must watch it as it was intended to be viewed.
I'm sitting here minding my own business "working", listening to my Ipod.
Chester French's mixtape is playing and their, "Ciroc Star" feat Diddy and Jadakiss comes on.
**Insert Side Eye with a dash of conjunctivitis**
Chester French is bomb. Their mixtape is genius and their album is on some next level 'ish.
I partly sweat them bc they were breed in the heart of beantown.
"Beantown We Go Hard...."
I'm slightly appalled by two things that caught me off guard.
Diddy needs to just stick to his clothing line. That nicca can't rap, and even when he wrote his best mediocre lines that was in the the real Bad Boy Music era.
Lawd only knows you ain't no certified gangsta.
If you do one more shameless plug for your L, Ciroc, I'm gonna have to murk you.
Look kiddies, I used the word of the week in a sentence.
So, after having to subject my ears to such nonsense, I got myself thinking about Diddy and why I have a deep seated hatred for that nicca.
Yeah I said it. I'm not a fan.
For all those who may be one iota offended about what I'm about to drop on this Fecal matter named Diddy, stop while your ahead and check out some other post of mine.
First I would like to start by saying I hate you. Let's not confuse it with love. I know you methodically thought to yourself that this heffa is hating cause she ain't making guap like I am. You're right a$$hole. That's the reason I do hate you. Because you are making money. Making money off the slave trade you own, named Bad Boy.
Jesus spoke to me last night after Judas tried to trade me his gold coins for my SAAB and said there's a special place in hell for you right next to Bernard Madoff and his money grubbing ways.
You're what I call a Jack of All Trades, but a master of none.
You rape and pillage young aspiring models turned whores for your benefit.
You conquer, defeat and divide groups so they hate themselves.
You manage to mock the Black community more than VH1 has in the past three years.
Well Diddy, looks like you're the first Black owner of slaves post 18th century.
You deserve a cookie, better yet a cookie laced with rat poison.
Urban Dictionary, a reliable source, defines "murked" as the following.
"Someone who was killed in a vicious manner.
Man that guy that lived around the corner from me got murked last night buy some dude with a sledge hammer, his head cracked open."
So what makes me want to murk someone????
Just about anything that pisses me off!!!!
Lest, I remind you that I enjoy foolishness... but at other peoples expense.
Chewing out loud.
I swear at times my hearing is frequenced so finely, that I can hear an ant crossing the street.
If I can hear that far, I can definitely hear you chomping at that apple that is damn near finished and you think there still some to chew. Taking phone calls during me-and-you time.
One may think, aww Miss X gets no love, her boos making and taking calls during me- and-you time.
On the contrary. I'm referring to friends who think that 'ish is kosher to ask me, being the optimal word, out to chill but wind up having a convo via cellular texting.
I'm no Diddy, and neither are you, and I'm pretty sure your a$$ ain't got a business to take of and a career to ruin.
If you're in my "fave five", you live a low key life as I do. Label Whoring
I realize that we still have the bourgeois mentality.
The haves and have nots.
But, I'm a fake a$$ Birkin bag carrying citizen.
While you enjoy the finer things in life and like to brag about what and who you are wearing, I'm creating game plans on how to run a successful business with little to no means and make my first million, come 25.
Don't get me wrong. I have a Bulova watch, Frye boots and Gucci bags that are vintage circa 1975, but I'm never gonna sit in a conversation about Stalin and drop names like I'm still on Line repeating the founding Ladies of AKA!!!
Sorted through the junk and saw something suspect addressed to her.
I read the letter that reads similar to this (not the exact letter, but damn close):
CONFIDENTIAL BUSINESS PROPOSAL
HAVING CONSULTED WITH MY COLLEAGUES AND BASED ON THE INFORMATION GATHERED FROM THE NIGERIAN CHAMBERS OF COMMERCE AND INDUSTRY, I HAVE THE PRIVILEGE TO REQUEST FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE TO TRANSFER THE SUM OF $47,500,000.00 (FORTY SEVEN MILLION, FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS) INTO YOUR ACCOUNTS. THE ABOVE SUM RESULTED FROM AN OVER-INVOICED CONTRACT, EXECUTED COMMISSIONED AND PAID FOR ABOUT FIVE YEARS (5) AGO BY A FOREIGN CONTRACTOR. THIS ACTION WAS HOWEVER INTENTIONAL AND SINCE THEN THE FUND HAS BEEN IN A SUSPENSE ACCOUNT AT THE CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA APEX BANK.
WE ARE NOW READY TO TRANSFER THE FUND OVERSEAS AND THAT IS WHERE YOU COME IN. IT IS IMPORTANT TO INFORM YOU THAT AS CIVIL SERVANTS, WE ARE FORBIDDEN TO OPERATE A FOREIGN ACCOUNT; THAT IS WHY WE REQUIRE YOUR ASSISTANCE. THE TOTAL SUM WILL BE SHARED AS FOLLOWS: 70% FOR US, 25% FOR YOU AND 5% FOR LOCAL AND INTERNATIONAL EXPENSES INCIDENT TO THE TRANSFER.
THE TRANSFER IS RISK FREE ON BOTH SIDES. I AM AN ACCOUNTANT WITH THE NIGERIAN NATIONAL PETROLEUM CORPORATION (NNPC). IF YOU FIND THIS PROPOSAL ACCEPTABLE, WE SHALL REQUIRE THE FOLLOWING DOCUMENTS:
(A) YOUR BANKER'S NAME, TELEPHONE, ACCOUNT AND FAX NUMBERS.
(B) YOUR PRIVATE TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBERS -- FOR CONFIDENTIALITY AND EASY COMMUNICATION.
(C) YOUR LETTER-HEADED PAPER STAMPED AND SIGNED.
ALTERNATIVELY WE WILL FURNISH YOU WITH THE TEXT OF WHAT TO TYPE INTO YOUR LETTER-HEADED PAPER, ALONG WITH A BREAKDOWN EXPLAINING, COMPREHENSIVELY WHAT WE REQUIRE OF YOU. THE BUSINESS WILL TAKE US THIRTY (30) WORKING DAYS TO ACCOMPLISH.
PLEASE REPLY URGENTLY.
All I could do at this point was laugh to myself, because not only did the envelope contain such a bogus letter, it had a check included that was pure comedy.
Even if someone in my family was stupid enough to fall for this nonsense, the bank or Western Union would laugh his or her a$$ right out of the place.
I'm usually annoyed when they email this nonsense and it goes straight to junk mail, but when your home address is sold off to the biggest bidder, that $hit becomes infuriating.
WTF, I mean what if my mother or father were not the brightest bulb in the bunch, or even worse if they were sooo elderly they thought this ish was for real.
I feel an ill invasion of privacy.
Not even my closest friends know my exact home address, that shows you the amount of privacy I like.
I almost hit the ceiling when I saw that $hit.
These Nigerian scams, 411 scams, Russian scams, have to seize. This 'ish is just ridiculous.
I own a blog but yet I complain about broadcasting personal business by means of internet.
I'm such a hypocrite. Or am I???
The issue that consumes me is constant mentioning of people who claim they have haters via internet, but choose to blog or facebook or twitter each and every movement they make. Johnny is watching OZ at my girls house.
Okay, that's all fine and dandy, but say you got a situation, ***insert side eye***, and your side piece just peeped your facebook profile.
Your a$$ has been caught because you put your location to the Batcave out there for all to see, including the girl who's probably outside your girlfriends house right now with a switch blade in her knock-off Vuitton, getting ready for a good shanking.
Here's another example for you hard headed folks. Laura is up in VIP with the girls.
Okay, you partying and bull$hitting, but I could have sworn you just told your dude that you were staying in with your moms because she wasn't feeling well.
Your nicca, will march his ass up to the club...matter of fact, that nicca will call his ex up and have some making up to do 3 to 4 times that night while you're shaking and grinding your drunk a$$.
stop giving personal locations via internet to any fool that wishes to catch your ass and intercept you.
Don't complain when people you're frenemies with show up to the same location, and are coincidentally partying with your ex-boyfriend.
Don't complain that people are keeping tabs on you or that you have stalkers/haters via facebook that constantly check your profile.
Your dumbass nature got you here in the first place. It's only human to inquire about other people, it's just that you're foolish enough to leave a trail so you can be followed (i.e. Followers).
Privacy settings can only take you so far on these sites.
So wise up to the fact that you are now a virtual target
I've wanted to see this movie since 2006 when it was in theaters and I'm not sure if I was just to lazy to go see it or purchase it now that it's on DVD, or I truly was not ready to sit through a period piece.
Whatever the case, the film tells the tale of Jean-Baptiste Grenouille, who has an uncanny gift to identify any smell within miles.
He's loner and seemly so with a gift like his.
His nose eventually catches a scent that he can neither shake nor ignore.
The scent of a woman....
Now, I don't want to give you the play by play of how he comes to be a perfume connoisseur unlike any other, but lets just say it's deadly.
I know, I know, I haven't posted a review on a movie in a few days and your wondering why.
One reason is that I'm just being lazy and are currently posting things that are fresh in my mind, and the second reason is that I honestly haven't been wowed by any of the movies I've seen lately.
I mean I have a Blockbuster worth of films that people could easily rent and I would still have another 100+ movies to peep.
It's an obsession.
Along with the amount of shoes I have, but I'll save that topic for another post.
No, I really will, it's gotten bad, really bad.
Anyways the movies that I've seen have been so so.
Lat night I rented Babylon A.D. and The Uninvited.
Hey RedBox was slacking and ya'll know I'm down for horror and sci-fi anytime.
Star Trek anybody??
On to the movies...
Babylon A.D. stars Vin Disel.(plz excuse the Russian pic.LOL!!!)
**Insert Side Eye**
And plays a mercenary who takes a job transporting a young girl and her keeper to America from Russia. He wants the guap, and she's worth every penny. Along the way however, he realizes that she has a sick gift of never experiencing a damn thing in her life but posses unimaginable amounts of memory of both the past and future.
Overall, movie was OK, not one of my favorites, but it's def great on a cloudy/rainy Sunday afternoon.
I mean, Vin can only play two roles to a "T", and Shakespeare ain't one of them.
As for the rest of the movies I've seen thus far,
I swear I'll do a day of posts dedicated to just them.