Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Is it Envy???

Facebook is the devil.

I swear it brings out the worst in me.

It's the place I secretly go to stalk my enemies, hate on folks from a far, and go shopping for a new wardrobe.

Yeah, it's for us posers at heart. SMH.

But of recent, I noticed a few "trends", trends being the operative word.

If engagement were a popular haircut like the Aniston or the Rihanna, it would seem as if everyone jumped ship and done gone all committal on a gurl.

2009 has shown to be an influx of people jumping the broom and wifing these hoes or putting a ring on "it", and showing that we are officially committed to each other.

It's as if, engagement has become the we're going steady now.

It's comical if you ask me. I have never been more grossed out by the idea of people as young as 21 getting engaged or enjoying the long walk of shame down the aisle

One may speculate that I haven't been wifed up or claimed as wifey material, that would explain the bitter taste that's in this post.

I'll tell you what, that's not far from the truth. I don't consider myself wifey material...because I don't want to be wifey material.

I'm combative, non-committal, abrasive, selfish, too adventuresome, and won't cooperate for the life of me. And I don't compromise for anything or anyone.

My opinion might scare you off, but let me offer you some history...

I come from a dual parent household. Both of my siblings and myself were conceived in wedlock.

My parents are shy of their 30th anniversary.

The desire to be "united" doesn't exist nor has it ever.

Marriage is not and never will be what it was. That can be seen as either a positive attribute or a negative one. Depends on who's looking. And realistically, what would be the point if the odds were stacked up against you.

I don't want to spit statistics but, lets get real....

Under 20 years old, women are 27.6% likely to get divorced, men are 11.7%
20 to 24 years old, women are 36.6% likely to get divorced, men are 36.8%
25 to 29 years old, women are 16.4% likely to get divorced, men are 22.3%
30 to 34 years old, women are 8.5% likely to get divorced, men are 11.6%
35 to 39 years old, women are 5.1% likely to get divorced, men are 6.5%

If the odds are stacked up against you, why would take the plunge or the chance to potential ruin yourself or whatever means you have complied when you first meet.

I think people have forgotten that divorce is no longer taboo and that because people are much more fickle and impulsive that the permanent things that you have today, ain't so permanent tomorrow.

The time spent on planning the wedding is of much more importance than of planning the marriage.

We rely on the fact that love will save our marriage. Love is the least important in my opinion.

Why are their couples that spend close to 20 grand on a wedding, have college loans to pay down, obsecene credit card debit, and whatever else you've as chossen a lesser priortie to pay for?

Why are their couples who think it's kosher to continue to rent instead of investing in property, like a house?

Why are their couples, who for some strange reason, think it's okay to go without drafting a will once a wedding has taken place?

Look at marriage as a matching fund that you continue to put 100 dollars of your hard earned paycheck in, for some strange reason, the company( your spouse) can't seem to match the funds and then your spending more money than you earned.

What kind of fuckery is that????

Why take the risk? Love can't bring back your cash investment can it?


  1. i stumbled across your blog.. sorry ive been reading randoms from the arhives and stopping half way through my cereal to say i think i love you! and im a girl who's soo not gay . ha. one more reader you got. x

  2. btw.. random but whilst agreeing with some of your comments esp re solange hair etc.. i cant help but think its an african american thing.. im black, british and im living / working in nyc for a few months, and ive never ever had so much attention paid to my hair in my life, by dudes checking it, to girls etc.. back home they love natural hair, in all shapes and forms, braids twists etc.. and a weave, well its a style, as caucasian girls alter their hair constantly.. its not an inbred thing, i basically have never until now felt my hair was something i had to have strong opinions about...

    i will look into it before i say more, as i dont want to comment ignorantly, im not african american after all, and wont want to offend.. however, have you ever talked to black girls around the world, in europe perhaps? there is no hair obsession.. but here, so many forums, magazines, tv shows.. tyra? what the hell is it? natural is awesome my boyfriend loves my hair because it is as different from his as it could be, being that as a black girl i am different.. my sister is 24 inch extension queen, but its part of her crazy look at me personality.. but i have never thought about all of this until now.


  3. Hey Tilda,

    Thank you for the compliments as well as the insight.

    I hope you didn't choke on your cereal. LOL!

    Yeah, hair is an obsession in the states.

    It's redonk the lengths that women and even men sometimes go to have the perfect do.

  4. Anonymous5/1/10 14:38

    Hello my lovely Soror! I am late on this but I have to comment.

    I completely agree with you! I think it's amazing the staggering number of people who are now marrying in their 20s. If I had a damn nickel for every "engaged" status I've seen on FB...

    Anyways, people always try to chalk marraige up to "it's spiritual" bs, but don't have their weddings in a church. Um, NO. Historically marraige was created as a legal contract stating, "what's mine is yours and what's yours is mine." for the man to own his wife and consolidate his property with her family's property. But somewhere along the line, it started becoming "IN" to just get married willy-nilly. I tell everyone, at 22 or even 25 for that matter, your marraige is less likely to work for a few reasons. And you are completely right about divorce not being taboo, people expect instant gratification and when they don't like something can just change it. Perhaps if divorce became MORE expensive, then it wouldn't be as cool to divorce and jump into a new marraige before the ink dries on the divorce settlement.

    1. You don't have any responsibility, so it's easy to be "in love" with no accountability outside of each other.
    2. The person you are 25 is not who exactly who you will be at 35. Meaning, you should have bought a house, have better credit, a different outlook on life as someone who isn't just emerging into the real world post-undergrad or moving out of mom's house, but someone who has already come into your own, otherwise known as maturity.

    In additon to black women and our hair, many women are caught up in hair woes because of the history in our country. I think we do put too much emphaisis on hair AND cosmetics. Black women make up the majority of purchasers in both industries and these are BILLION dollar industries, of which we are barely recognized. Cover Girl didn't even have make-up hues for darker skinned women until 2007 when they launched the Queen line. L'Oreal, Revlon, and big ballin Estee Lauder STILL don't observe the demographic that purchases their product most. But we still keep buying. Perhaps if our community stops looking for validation and approval from others (because that's what this is) then maybe, we stand a chance at claiming and reclaiming some control over these things and make it work to our advantages. We have crumbling schools, neighborhoods in peril, etc. Maybe if we had control we would filter some of the money we spend on this BS into the our communities to solve the problems.

    Ok done ranting. Love ya sis!

  5. Soror!!!! That couldnt have been said better than that. That's why I love ur comments!!!!